The latest installment of the Marvel Cinematic Universe has been unleashed upon the masses! Being a faithful Marvel movie-goer I took my wife to a showing on opening day. We went in with low expectations, fully aware of the negative buzz and having already listened to a few spoiler free reviews the day before. However, I still had some hope. Surely, The Marvels couldn’t be that bad, right?
Before I answer that question, you have to understand that I’ve been a comic book collector for 30 years. I think what Marvel has been able to do cinematically is one of the greatest accomplishments I’ve ever seen. To build up a connected movie universe over so many films and deliver in such a satisfying way (usually) has been amazing to watch.
It’s a lot of fun as a fan to see my favorite super heroes on the big screen and know that each movie is leading to something else. Even when the occasional Marvel movie fails to deliver, and even when Disney itself seems to have lost its way, I don’t mind spending a couple of hours in the theatre to take in the next chapter.
So, my point is that I have seen every Marvel movie and I was certainly rooting for The Marvels to be better than expected. Unfortunately, it was not.
The Marvels is bad. Really, really bad. It is easily the worst Marvel movie to date and my wife agreed that it was terrible.
This movie fails at every level. Where to start? Well, the acting is terrible. Often I got the feeling that the actors and actresses couldn’t care less about what was happening. The movie felt lifeless. It was as if everyhting that was happening didn’t matter. The lone stand out was Iman Vellani’s Kamala Kahn. Her energy and excitement was the one bright spot among the entire cast.
Then there is the story. There are some lame power bands that the villain is trying to find so that she can open some portals and save her homeworld. Just like in Spaceballs, she wants to steal someone else’s air. Oh, she’l need some water and a new sun too. Thankfully the portals, which are usually just doors that spacecraft fly through are suddenly able to vacuum air, suck up water and do whatever it was doing to our sun.
As far as the power bands – we’ve already had the Infinity Stones, the rings in Shang-Chi, that book in Doctor Strange, the Hammer that Ronan had, and so on. Enough with the ancient weapons. Speaking of the villain, Dar-Benn will go down as the worst Marvel villain yet. Awe Ashton is not menacing in this role and her character feels like a recycled and less interesting version of previous bad guys.
Anyway, when she opens a portal this somehow affects the powers of Ms. Marvel, Captain Marvel and Monica. As a result, they start swapping places. Sometimes this swap happens, sometimes it doesn’t. Plus, don’t bother to understand Ms. Marvel’s and Monica’s powers, because the filmmakers don’t understand them either.
By the way, Kamala has one of the power bands that Dar-Benn is looking for. How did she get it? There’s no time for that. I guess you should have watched the Disney+ show!
All kinds of things happen in this movie that don’t make sense. You may roll your eyes and say: “It’s super-heroes, it doesn’t have to make sense.” If so, you were probably involved in the creation of this film.
If you want to engage the audience and suspend disbelief, your world building still has to have some sort of internal logic. You still have to create an experience that is authentic and carries emotional weight. The Marvels does none of these things.
Characters make bone-headed decisions, seemingly important events are glossed over, and the plight of Dar-Benn’s homeworld doesn’t make sense. Why does taking out a computer destroy their sun? How are they walking around without a sun? I’m pretty sure they would have died and froze in a hot second.
Why didn’t Captain Marvel just reignite the sun in the first place when it seems so easy for her to fly into it at the end? Why did Dar-Benn disintegrate with the bands on but Ms. Marvel does not? Why can Monica close a multi-universal tear but can only do it from one side? Why did that tear happen in the first place, when the other portals were only to different places in the same universe?
Why don’t people die when they get eaten by those annoying cats? Why do they shrink? Then there is the singing planet… I mean, come on. Maybe it looked good on paper, but that whole sequence is one of the most uncomfortable and cringe inducing sequences ever put on film.
The Marvels is a frustrating and disappointing movie experience. The end credits scenes do not help things either. They involve Kamala trying to build her own team (please, no) and Monica crossing over into the X-Men universe.
At this point, instead of being hopeful, now I’m worried Disney will destroy the X-Men just like they are destroying Star Wars and Marvel. Disney needs to slow down and get back to making quality movies, instead of pushing out as much quantity as possible. Hopefully they can find some writers and directors that understand what makes the MCU work and can deliver impactful and engaging stories again.
So far, this push for the next wave of Marvel heroes has been underwhelming. Here’s hoping Deadpool 3 will save the day!